Saturday, August 8, 2026.

Hewo hewo my darlings! The lights of my house went off for a few minutes (ᵕ ó ᴗ ò) i really thought id be without electricity for a good while but thankfully it was very brief.

Oh my XoX i might have played a liiil too much minecraft, i think i am gunna stop for today to avoid burnout,, though im really committed to make the super cool house i was planning to build ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡.
Aaaaaanywayy, what a tiring week it has been!! During half of thursday my sister came to visit me. she started talking about a lot of projects and things and my head couldn't keep it up with all @~@ and then during all of friday's morning i was so nerveous for the mere fact that i was going to see my therapist,, which is something i do non-consistently but averagely every 2 weeks.. Why would i still be nerveous to go there?! I know my therapist very well by now, he's great at his job and the consult is a fully free judgament zone.. Where as *most* of the time i am calm a few minutes after im at the consult.

Dang,, now that im reading all of this, it doesn't seem to be as much as i initially thought,, maybe this week wasn't as bad,, though for some reason, I have been feeling tired that's for sure,, infact as i'm writting this i am trying to overcome burnout,, cus,, otherwise, what other hobbies from which that i haven't become already burned out from? What else am i going to spend my time in my life if it is not to cluelessly believe that it is going to fix itself?..

Yesterday's night,, i discovered a way in which i've been interpretting Spotties. For me, Spotties is like a beacon of light, a signal into the far distance. I've, as usual, been feeling more lonely than ever, and there have been so many many kind people dropping by in the chat, there's my bestie Lonewriter, and then there's also the dozens of sweethearts over Neocities that have given me a humble compliment or positive reply. there's been so much that i've even felt fed up socially from the first time in so long,, and ironically, today im the far opposite of that point... I guess what i'm trying to say is that i've been missing very very much a love in my life.

I want to spend the rest of my supposedly yet-to-be long life with my soulmate, i want to laugh cheerfully with them, i want to share together both good and bad momments, i want to feel loved and give that love back with an exponential ammount, i just,, no,, actually, i just want to feel like i have nothing else to deceivingly wish for, and maybe i don't even need a soulmate for that, which i feel like otherwise it may or may not just be what i need simply because its what i want, but i just want to feel compleate with my life, am i so oblivious to not know how, all while writting and sharing these feelings on the internet? Well,, i am not going to pretend like i can just be better than that, what else would i expect from myself than to rather rot in my bedroom, playing videogames all day to momentarelly forget that i live an existance in which i gave up to try hard enough to change the outcome of the present, repeating the same monotome routines until i become the dust of someone not worth being remembered over.

Thank you dear reader for being here, tommorrow Ashley is going star gazing, ill see if i write an entry cus,, idk, my blog sucks and i suck and, idk im tired.. bye.

❤︎ Ashley.